Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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