The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
