Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
