You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
