The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
