Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Boobs are out for the taking
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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