I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
