At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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