im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
