There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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