There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
