In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
