Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
