My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
