I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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