I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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