I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
