I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
