it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
