So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
