I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
