Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
