so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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