I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
