OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
