I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm always down for nudity.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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