I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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