i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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