i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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