dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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