hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
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