i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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