if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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