I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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