yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
