I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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