That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just cropdusted the office
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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