shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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