Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
