apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
