I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I looked at my own cervix.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
FUCK WHALES
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