Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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