it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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