Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
and she was petting her beer can
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
