my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
