she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
