Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
