I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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