we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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