Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
